A rant on the fear of old roleplay sites

I suppose there’s no real way to get stubborn people outside their comfort zones. I mean, we did just get three new members on Somnia in the last week, which is pretty amazing after months of nothing. But two of those members are new to RP and were brought in by one of our older members and a long time RPing friend of mine.

Also… People say things like they never want to join older sites but how are they going to feel when their site is five years old and it’s like pulling teeth to get new members? I’ll bet you anything they’ll be saying the same things I am. My members are pretty excited whenever somebody new shows up because it hardly ever happens. They’re definitely not shunning or hazing anybody. In fact, they usually go out of their way to present them with plot ideas.

We all have a huge number of characters, as well, so when there’s a new member, it’s another opportunity to further plots with characters who have been neglected by the rest of the member base. I personally have quite a few characters who aren’t so beloved by the other members and they get ignored. Any time we have a new member, I have new hope that I’ll be able to tell a story with that character. So they aren’t shut out of stories, they in fact become integral to brand new ones, even if the characters they are playing with are old. I have a character who’s been on the site since it opened who’s got a whopping NOTHING going on because the two members I plotted him with before disappeared.

I guess shit can happen on any site but it’s honestly pretty hurtful to keep hearing it over and over again, everywhere I go. I hear the same old excuses. “I feel like an outsider. Everybody already knows each other and I don’t know them.” Like it’s any different on a new site? Chances are you don’t know anybody there, either but somehow it’s better because the site itself doesn’t have a lot of history? I dunno. I’m just sick of it.

People like that don’t even try my site, they just base their experiences off other sites, which is like saying you don’t want to eat at Chili’s because your experience at Applebee’s was bad. Sure, they’re both restaurants but the owner, staff, and menu are completely different. The experience won’t necessarily be the same. It’s a kid refusing to eat anything green without ever tasting it. Meh.

I’m sick of it all. The excuses not to try something new just because there are other people experiencing the setting before you did. I’m sick of how self-centered people are. They cry clique the second a subject comes up that they don’t understand because what? They expect the previous members to act distantly with one another? Act like they don’t know one another? Not every conversation is going to be about YOU, I’m sorry to say and they won’t always be on subjects you can chime in about. That can and will happen on any site, not just old ones.

Anyway, I had to get that off my chest somewhere… It’s annoying trying to get people to try a site that is not only older but also on a software people aren’t used to and sometimes, I just need to rant about it.

Haru + Lumps

The hairy vet bill.
The hairy vet bill.

My guinea pig, Haru has a weird lump on his throat right now. For those of you who don’t know, I got Haru back in July while I was vacationing at my friend’s place in Grover beach. A couple weeks back, I noticed he had a weird lump on his neck but I didn’t think much of it. It seemed to grow bigger and I panicked–but then it went down again, so I’m not sure what the heck it is. From researching the web, it seems that lumps are normal and typically not harmful but I wanted to be sure… So I took Haru into the vet.


Without getting a look at what’s inside the lump, it’s hard to tell WHAT it is. So the vet wanted to cut the lump off. However, the idea of putting him under really scares me. I’ve only had to do this once in all my years of having guinea pigs but it’s a scary procedure and it’s common enough for guinea pigs to respond badly to surgery. So to be on the safe side–especially if this lump is nothing to be worried about–I just decided to put him on an antibiotic for the week. It’s Baytril, which also worried me, since it’s awfully strong for what might just be a harmless cyst. The worrisome part being that I’ve seen Baytril kill a guinea pig’s appetite so fast–and once they stop eating, things get real shitty, real fast.


Injecting the Baytril can make it much less harder on the digestive system, so I decided to let the vet just inject him once a day for the rest of the week. The annoying part of course is getting him out there and back… I don’t like driving him around more than I have to, especially in 100 degree (F) heat in a car without air conditioning. I’m paranoid, okay? At the same time, you don’t just put a guinea pig on antibiotics and then stop, so I’m going to get him his shot once a day every day this week and see how it goes.


The antibiotic might not do a damn thing, and if nothing happens to the lump, I’m faced with two options: getting the surgery after all so we can see what the lump is. Or letting it go and just keeping a sharp eye on him to make sure nothing happens to it over time. The location, which is on his neck, is worrisome too but I don’t know if it will affect him adversely if we leave it alone or if it’s just a thing he’s going to have for the rest of his life.

Vacation Extended

…And coming to a close now. Yep. When I got home from my vacation up to Northern California, I got a call from my best friend. She wanted me to come down and finally see where she had moved ages ago. Grover Beach is a very nice and relaxed community nestled between a number of much busier beach-side communities (like Pismo and Morro Bay). I’ll be leaving back for Taft tomorrow afternoon but I’m going to miss the weather and the gorgeous sites of this place.

As I vacation, however, I realize that I really have changed a lot in just the last five years. There was a time where I never would have taken as many risks as I’ve been taking lately. None of this even sounds risky to others–going out to Northern California, coming out to Grover Beach. They’re all normal things. For me? Not the case. It’s been tough for me to go out and do the things people take for granted. Taking long trips made me anxious because I worried about all the things that could go wrong. What if we crashed? What if somebody got sick? What if we took a wrong turn somewhere? I didn’t want to be trapped and so I freaked out and built things up in my head.

My past self would have built these things up to epic proportions until I had a meltdown and then actually MADE myself sick! That’s how bad it was. There were days when I didn’t even want to leave the house, to go out across the street. I had to force myself to even walk to the mailbox some days because I was so terrified of what might be out there. What if somebody drove by and saw me? What if I locked myself out of the house? What if a scary big dog came launching itself at me?

Now… I know all these things are ridiculous and I knew that back then, too. But I couldn’t control my levels of anxiety. These days, I’ve been more chill, managing not to think too much about the would be scenarios and instead making myself focus on what’s happening NOW. Not later. Just now.

I think it’s also opening up a lot regarding my writing. There have been so many more ideas flowing through my head. I’m no longer stuck in the teenager fan fiction stage I was trapped in for so long. I really hope to be able to share all these ideas soon, in the form of short stories and novels alike!

Time For A Vacation!

On Friday June 13, 2014, my guinea pig Stryker passed away. He had complications with his teeth which made it difficult for him to eat. Three vet visits later and he died in the vet’s office of a heart attack. Already sick and in pain, he couldn’t handle the stress of the examination. I blame myself for not noticing his teeth problems much earlier and even for taking him to the vet but I didn’t know that it was going to send him over the edge. As they say, hindsight is 20/20…

Anyway, now we’re getting ready to go on a vacation that’s been in the works for the past couple of months. We’re going out to memorialize my fiance’s aunt, who passed away last fall. We’re also going to San Francisco, which I actually expressed interest in visiting shortly after my excursion to the B.A.P concert this April.

I’m looking forward to getting out and doing something after all the stress. My aunt is also very sick and doesn’t want to get surgery to possibly correct the problem. I can’t blame her. It sounds like a terrifying procedure. On top of that, I get pretty stressed out living with my fiance’s sister and her husband because the house is always a mess and I never have any alone time whatsoever. I should correct that; I have alone time in my room but it’s not the same as the old days. I used to have a schedule. Get up, check messages, post, clean up the house, do some yoga. But it’s difficult to keep to my schedule when there’s somebody always lurking around (or… making messes). His sister’s not so bad… It’s the husband being out of work. I don’t like having somebody home with me 24/7. I need a break and time to be all alone in the house sometimes!

I’m also looking forward to eating something other than baked chicken or pizza. It seems like the menu of the year so far.

It will be nice to get out for a while and just see a place that isn’t Taft or Bakersfield for a while. The weather forecast also appears to be 10-20 degrees cooler out in Northern California. Celebration time!

I’ve also been planning an excursion out to LA this August for KCON, a Kpop convention and two night concert! But it’s been stressing me out ever since I decided I wanted to go (which I decided in April, after successfully seeing B.A.P with minimal anxiety.) Cross your fingers that my friend will get us the tickets we need to go! Otherwise all that stressing out was for absolutely nothing.